Amway salesmen drink Americanos

I must have a sign on my forehead that makes Amway salesmen in coffee shops feel comfortable approaching me to get me to join their capitalist cult.

Thank God for those handy email addresses used only for potential junk-mail-producing web registrations. It's like 21st century version of the fake phone numbers women memorize to give to men in bars.

Tweet this

Me: You know, now that our parent's generation is starting to use Twitter, I imagine there's now a bunch of people who are now travelling in the left lane of the information super highway with their left blinker on.

Meredith: You should Twitter that.

Let them eat cake!

In light of the recent bonuses paid out to AIG executives, I'm thinking the people responsible for running these companies into the ground and begging congress for a handout are about as daft as Marie-Antoinette.

Mulligan?

My life needs a rewind/erase button.

Coming or going?

If it wasn't for the date being listed above each post, I'm not sure I would know what month it is.

Thoughts on the campaign

First, I'm glad that Obama is starting to pull away. It's about freakin' time.




That being said, there's something that bugs me about elections. We're in that stage where the candidates start pulling out all the stops, the mud starts slinging back and forth, and it's one negative ad after another.

And yet...most of the content of those ads are half truths at best. Factcheck.org has become a necessity to make sure we don't find ourselves stepping in the political bullshit. As a society, we've told our leaders that it's ok--we accept being lied to. Both parties are guilty of it, and I won't comment on which one I think lies more.

I just wonder what an honest campaign would look like. A campaign that doesn't resort to fear mongering and false advertisements.

I like what Allie had to say about it as well.

When am I?

Today has felt like tomorrow. All day.

And when I imagine next week, those things won't happen for another two weeks.


It's weird.

Theft deterrent

Campus security sent out an email this afternoon to inform the student body of recent catalytic converter thefts that have taken place on campus over the last few weeks.

Catalytic converters are part of a car's exhaust system. They have a high scrap metal value because of the different metals they are made of.

So how does campus security suggest we protect ourselves from these senseless acts of lawlessness? How do we protect ourselves from things being stolen that are underneath our cars? The email says it all:





Yeah.

Did I do that?

Dear Mr. President,

Hey, how's it goin'? Actually, nevermind. I think I have a pretty good idea. What's the approval rating at now? 19%? Ouch. Yeah, I know that's gotta suck. Just remember, this too shall pass.

Listen, I just want to know something. And I'm sorry if I seem a little brash, but...Did you know what you were doing with your economic policy this whole time? It's ok if you didn't. I'd certainly settle for honesty at this point. But we've all seen what's taken place over the span of your adminstration and it just, well...it sticks in my craw, as you Texans say it.

You probably don't see yourself as responsible for what's happening around the world, and I can appreciate that. A man's reach is only so far. And you've had a lot to deal with in these last 7 years, what with the terrorism, and the oil, and the protectoring, and the napping--it's enough to wear a guy out! I know it would me.

But this is where I start to feel awkward about it, and forgive me for assuming what it's like to be in your position. But if it were me, and I was standing in the Oval Office, looking out the window behind my desk, imagining the chaos taking place on Wall Street and financial insitutions collapsing left and right--I think I'd feel a little sheepish. Perhaps even a twinge responsible. But now our market failure has caused foreign governments to have to scramble because their economies are in the shitter. You see what I'm getting at? I used to not want to show my face in school if I was the reason we lost a kickball game in gym class. KICKBALL! NOT WORLDWIDE ECONOMIC DEPRESSION! But maybe that's just me, I dunno.

Listen, I know you've got a lot on your plate these days, so I understand if you don't get back to me right away. Just think about it. Let it simmer. In other words, turn it over in your mind. And remember, there's no judgment here. When you were up against it, and the breaks were beating your boys, you gave it all you had. The Gipper would be proud.

~Jason

She also used to ground herself if she got too carried away as a child

Meredith, after a particularly atonal, silence-breaking, low-growl burp: Eeww! Meredith, that's gross!

Me, startled: What was that?!

Meredith: What? Sometimes I feel the need to chastise myself so I don't start thinking it's ok to do that in public.

Hate to say it

Dear Internet,

I believe you're starting to bore me.

Moneybags and office politics

I've come to realize something about life in the cubicle maze: expect people to ask you for money.

A lot.

Daily.

Within the first week I was asked to contribute food to an office baby shower for someone I didn't even know.

Less than two weeks later it was a contribution to a birthday gift card. THEN it was a gift card for a wedding present.

Today alone I was hit up for the Bowling for Bucks interoffice charity AND the United Way. And that's to say nothing of the upcoming school fund raisers where candy bars cost $10 and a roll of wrapping paper is $40. Peddling little bastards.

I have yet to contribute to any of these causes. With that comes a smug sense of satisfaction and the worry of how much longer I can stay under the radar.

They might as well just start charging a cover to get into work each morning.

Nose in the book

I've been reading a lot lately.






I just thought someone should know.

Their ankles caused me to lust

Or it may have been the seductive gyrations and twirls, I haven't quite decided.

I think if believing in God required any semblance of this whatsoever, I'd go ahead and declare myself an atheist and be done with it.

I like the breakdown at 1:53. Dude looks like he's working the holy ghost out of his shorts.

Eff the effin' effers and their effed-up effness

I was going to talk about a recent conversation I had with someone over the appropriate uses of profanity on Facebook, specifically whether or not it's ok to say "eff." Not the actual four letter word, mind you, but the shortened, three-letter allusion to said four-letter word.

But I didn't like how it was coming out, so I scrapped it.



I just couldn't bring myself to waste such a great title.

This is just wrong

Wouldn't this constitute a human rights violation on some level?

Nose job

SEP to plas tee: a non-cosmetic surgical procedure pertaining to the nasal septum. In short, to straighten that which is crooked and open that which is blocked.

And allow one's wife a decent night's sleep for once.


Coming next month to a face near me.

...Say what?

I watched Gov. Palin's speech at the convention last night. In an effort to connect with her fellow hockey moms in the audience, she described the difference between them and a pit bull was lipstick.

And I can't help but wonder...

What kind of sick individual is putting lipstick on pit bulls?!

And why are they taking said lipstick-donned pit bulls to hockey games?!

A time for everything

I start school again tomorrow. Which can only mean one thing.



Well, it can mean many things, really. But only one thing in particular: three hours of solid lecture three times a week.







I will definitely have time to blog now.

Because few things in life are more satisfying than sticking it to the Man

Last weekend, Meredith and I took advantage of a state-wide tax-free weekend and picked up a GPS unit for her parents. In all fairness, I won't name which brand of GPS it was, but suffice it to say it would remind one of a certain 15th century Portuguese explorer who made the first successful expedition around the world. And his name wasn't Tom.

The only problem we had with the GPS unit was that it didn't work. At all. The whole global positioning and the satellite thing and the maps...NOTHING. Which for some may have been a minor detail to overlook I suppose, but felt it was something to take issue with. Everything inside the packaging warned me to not return the unit to the place of purchase lest an unknown evil plague my family. Or something like that. But what could I do? I called tech support.

Now, let me stop here and say that I worked as a tech support agent for a satellite T.V. company during college. It was undoubtedly one of the worse jobs I've ever had; I have the drinking stories to prove it. With an employee turnover rate at 120% and holding steady, I wasn't alone on that. BUT it allowed me to know and understand what takes place on the other side of those phone calls, which, as it turns out, came in pretty handy.

The first call to tech support resulted in me having to purchase an additional $20 USB cable to update the unit's software, with the hope of it helping along from paperweight to something that might be useful. Four days later when the cable was delivered and the update was made, I started to feel like the biggest sucker in the world. A sucker who was now out $20.

So I made a second call to tech support to arrange for a replacement unit, and this went off without too much trouble. They offered to ship out a new unit in return for the defective one. Fine. Great. They did everything they're required to do by the warranty. But then there was that pesky issue of the USB cable that I shouldn't have had to buy in the first place and ultimately didn't resolve the problem. I decided to give the Portuguese explorer people a chance to save face and let them refund me the $20 for my troubles. Of course, tech support couldn't make this happen, so I had to call the customer care line.

Going into the phone call, I knew it would go one of two ways. It was either going to be easy and quick, or it would have to be escalated to a supervisor. More often than not, the latter and not the former is how these things usually turn out. This was no exception.

And I've gotta say...it was beautiful. The supervisor was apologetic, but firm. There would be no refund. I disagreed. He could apologize all day long for all I cared and it wouldn't change the fact that I'm out $20 and I think he works for a shitty* company that puts out shitty GPS units. He told me it was not the company's policy to give refunds like this. I told him his company's policy was shitty too.

Thirty-five minutes and a few more choice words later, he finally relented. Not because he finally agreed with me and saw things from my perspective. He just wanted to get off the phone the only way he could.

I'll take it.





*Profanity added here for effect.

Do they give you penicilin for that?

This is the best political ad I have seen. Ever.

In summary

Let me first take a minute to collect myself.

These last few weeks have been anything from extreme laziness to extreme busyness, or a combination of both at any given time. At least that's what it felt like.

Since going to (and realizing my complete disdain for) Atlanta, I have:

• Experienced both the Alabama you'd expect and the Alabama you didn't think would be possible in this dimension.
• Stayed up way too late and gotten up way too early.
• Read a couple of books.
• Painted the first floor of my in-law's house.
• Quit my job. I have a knack for doing that at this time of the year. I think August should be "National Quit Your Job Month."

Or "National Don't Update Your Blog Month" for that matter.