Eff Youniversity

I'm a graduate of Virginia Tech, commonly referred to as "VT" for short.

I just found out that one of my classmates is a graduate of Friends University, a Quaker-founded school in Kansas. If VT is short for Virginia Tech...

But wait, it gets better. The official name of the school, which is not published on the website, and is only known by those associated with the school, is Friends University of Central Kansas.

Take a minute and let that sink in.

Being there

The strangest feeling came over me on my way home from class as I sat in traffic, listening to Wilco, and let the melancholy mood of my afternoon sink in...

I felt like I was in the middle of R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" video.

Surprisingly, it was the first time in weeks if not months where I experienced a moment which coincided perfectly with how I've been feeling. I often suffer from not being able to fully capture or connect with what I experience from day to day because I don't take the time to let the emotion of the experience sink in. This usually accounts for why I feel like I'm just going through life on auto-pilot. It's the feeling of being disconnected from your surroundings and, consequently, from yourself. The longer it goes on, the more it compounds itself. I've experienced it before: you wake up one morning after months of being on auto-pilot and the resulting emotional hangover does nothing but beg the question: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!

It's amazing what will bubble up to the surface if given the chance. In this particular case, I realized my constant frustration, lack of motivation, fatigue, bitterness, anxiety, and constantly replaying the memories from the hospital all boil down to one thing: Congratulations, Jason. You're depressed.

I've battled with depression on and off for almost two decades; some episodes have been worse than others. The ironic thing in this case is that I've gotten so good at hiding it, I fooled even myself. I know what I have to do: let the past be the past and make my peace with it. But first things first.

Be here now.

Any thoughts?

Symbolically placing metaphorical tape over my proverbial mouth

I will refrain from blogging about this, lest I meet the same fate as him.

I will say that I can't quite decide which is more entertaining: the story, the video clip, or the comments people left at the end of the article. God forbid they form well thought-out opinions instead of merely ranting, or (at the very least) proofread.

I'm telling you, this Internet thing is funny. It gives us a platform to voice opinions, no matter how ill-conceived or poorly written they may be. We can stand on a soapbox and fire down a spirit of contempt on those below us without leaving the safety of our chair.

And somehow, I don't think we're better off because of it.

We just understand each other

After witnessing a man honk his horn to get his wife's attention from across the parking lot:

Meredith: I think I'd be really offended if you ever did that to me.

Me: Really? What if I yelled, 'hey Meredith! Get your sweet ass over here!' Would you be offended by that?

Meredith, after a slight pause: I think that would be ok.

Sometimes I feel like this

I walk into this room
Oh, all eyes on me now
But I do not know the people inside
Look straight through me, these eyes
Seeking more wisdom than I have to give away
Realize, realize what you are

The sea is unsparing
We're all drifting away
Away from you, I'll pray for you now
Hoping to God on high
Is like clinging to straw while drowning
Realize, realize what you are

What you are is the beast in the lover's arms
What you are is the devil in the sweet, sweet kiss
What you are is missing a piece
What you are is a puzzle to me

What you've become, just as I have
Are you and I so unalike?
Huddled here you, just as I am
So afraid if we move we might die
So fuck the world
Live safe, say why
Don't you know when you bring love
Then you become what you are

~dave